Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
