i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
