i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
