she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize