i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
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