just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
