Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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