Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Randomize
