Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
