Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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