As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
