I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
