I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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