so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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