Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize