why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
