Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize