so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
no you cant smoke seaweed
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I need moral support for this bender
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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