It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
