yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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