all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
