My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
