no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
