I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
