You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
