Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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