the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
