so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
