I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
