I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
