im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize