Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
