I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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