Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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