so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Randomize
