oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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