you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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