I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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