I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
