I wish I could punch you in the face.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
