Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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