there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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