Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
