No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
