I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
