she woke up with a sticky ear
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
