whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
