office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
