thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
