In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think your dad took our porno
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Randomize
