How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
