dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
