If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
