Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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