Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
