From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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