i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
