ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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