you lied. pity sex is amazing.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize