so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
