Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
