im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
