we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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