It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
