if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
