It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
