the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Alive.
So much puke
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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