Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
