Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize