can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
