The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize