My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
