I'd wear matching sweaters with you
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
