you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
They are going to name an STD after you.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
