just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
