I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
