Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
