420 ftw
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
