This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
