I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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