guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
