girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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