we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize