Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
