good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize