I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
