We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
