If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
