so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
