Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
