So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
