Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
