she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Watching her eat just hurts me
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
