Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
