i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
