my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
