In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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