you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
