At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
