I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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