people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
