Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
