By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
40s are totally the cure
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
