he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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