were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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